Apparently, the little boy courting my now 10 year old gave her a bracelet at the Sock Hop last week. Just found out from her girlfriend’s mom — we co-hosted the girls’10 year old birthday party this evening at our house since they are a day apart. It’s the 3rd year in a row of such a festivity.
Apparently, while the double date was fairly platonic at the school gym, the boys succeeded in giving the girls each a bracelet. So my questions are: Did their parents know? Do the boys have the money to go out and shop, for god’s sake? Why didn’t the boys’ moms or dads introduce themselves at the gathering? And, most importantly, why didn’t Rosie tell me about it?
Is it me — the quiet but observant mother that raises her brow from time to time when questionable things arise, yet it’s better to keep my mouth shout? Am I emitting the classic message: “You are too young to think of dating”? (Which, of course, I am — and of course, it’s true).
The curious part is that the other mother asked me not to mention it to Rosie — the bracelet thing — because then Rosie would know that the she told me, and she’d lose her trust with her daughter. I mean, come on! Then we’re just replicating the social rule — “don’t tell!”
It must be hard for Rosie to share. She doesn’t have older sibs to spill the beans, to forge the way, to make it easy to slip by unnoticed. She probably knows that all this boyfriend-girlfriend stuff is silly… She usually tells me about the other gossip of who likes whom. She gets embarrassed when her friends talk about it in the back seat of our battered mini van (and I make sure not to look the rear view mirror).
I can’t ask her about it either and put her on the spot. She’d melt from the heat of her blush. It does beg the question of how to stay connected to a child who already is expert in the social and cultural rules — who follows them for the most part and knows when she’s pushing the limits even as an innocent.
Some of us think we are post-modern, feminist, open and cool moms. But are we? When it comes down to it the scripts are deeply engraved into social consciousness. The Dos & Don’ts are taught from early on – Ariel the Little Mermaid defying her formidable father and cliquey sisters comes to mind.
Last night I came home from a long day of travel, delayed trains and planes, and crashed on the sofa. The kids came back late from “Movie Night” at school. Rosie just collapsed full body on top of mine, too tired to make it up the stairs. She began to cry silently from the exhaustion of the week — her birthday week — and the endless day. “You Ok?” I asked.
She nodded.
“I’m so tired I could cry, but I’m so glad to see you tonight,” I said. Rosie sunk in a little bit deeper.
Who needs talking?
Comments