Rosie loves New Moon, a magazine created for girls by girls. The minute it arrives in the mail she finds a corner in the house and reads the whole thing cover to cover. I like it, too, as there is usually a letter from a girl on menstruation, and how she handled getting it for the first time, or a debate on the virtues of Barbie (are there any?).
We had our first mother-daughter talk on puberty on the way to the Walgreen’s, the local pharmacy. She came along for the errand and I apologized for being in a crabby mood. It was a natural segue into the discussion of menstruation since I was getting supplies for myself. I asked her if she knew what a period was.
“Yah, kinda. It’s when... well, you know. I don’t know how to say it.” She commented that our former sitter of many years, a lovely woman from Trinidad who somatisized every ailment out loud, would refer to it as “de monthly.” So we launched into a basic discussion about periods and I showed her the wealth of feminine napkins and tampons in the aisle of the store. It is a bit overwhelming from the perspective of a child, I must admit. “I think when it’s my time I’ll just start with pads.”
Decisive kid.
It turns out that driving in the car for big discussions seems to be the way to go. When I chatted with another mom about it, she exclaimed: “We talked about it on the way to the CVS!” I think not having to look at each other helps to de-intensify the big topics of life. And you can have many small conversations over time rather than some “Big” talk. Sort of like dance steps. A leap here, a twirl there, and a graceful bourrée off the stage. Sometimes it's not so elegant. For instance, my little one, Adele, seems to ask big questions about death while driving.
“What happens when you die? Is there candy up in heaven? How old will you be when you die? Can I visit?” and so on.
I am surprised, however, that among my mother friends of other 10-year-old girls, that most haven’t even broached the subject of menstruation yet. Ten is not too young to start talking about the female body and periods! But I’m an educator on women’s health, so I forget that others don’t have the same perspective (here’s one web page on menstruation I created). Yet, just about every woman I know, when she reflects back on her own youth, says something like: “My mother never talked about it” or “I had no clue.” That’s why I created my mother survey. Please take it!
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